Tag Archives: inclusion

Perfection: A Barrier to Success

Perfectionist

I have been called the “P” word more than once. I am not necessarily proud of this. I have striven to attain perfection more than once in my life. I am not necessarily ashamed of this, either.

Maria Muldaur singing “I’m a Woman,” or Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman,” were clarion calls for many of us in the 1970s. Unfortunately, the message that I and millions of other young women (and teens) received was that we should strive to be Wonder Women and do it all. Well, I cannot and do not know anyone who can—nor should do it all.

It is neither productive nor realistic to consider myself to be perfect nor is it productive or realistic for me to expect that you are either. This realization diminishes some of the pressure that I know I have put upon myself and others (I confess to being a bit judgmental), sometimes to the detriment of being successful.

An avatar of me as a superhero with my cat, Felix, on my favorite beach

Me as a superhero with my cat, Felix, on my favorite beach

We love putting idols on pedestals. People in general want heroes and sheroes to cheer on. That’s great until those humans do what humans do and let us down. The pendulum swings and we feel that we have been hoodwinked because sometimes we have.

Fake It ‘til You Make It

One result of the Wonder Woman message was a huge number of people (regardless of gender) pretending to be doing it all or pretending to know what they were doing, when in reality, they could not and did not. Many organizations promoted employees who were considered ‘diverse’ (women, members of the LBGTQi community, Black, Indigenous and other People of Color, people with disabilities) into DEIA roles. Those individuals often were deeply passionate about inclusion and equity (as am I), but they were often set up for failure as they lacked the skills and competencies to successfully develop and implement strategies and policies intended to result in sustainable organizational change since they were not experienced DEIA practitioners. In multiple organizations they also lacked the critical key ingredient for success: the will of executive leadership. I have engaged with several organizations where the members of the C-Suite delegated their DEIA initiatives to staff members without giving them the authority needed to implement real change. (This means having the power to hold people—high ranking individuals—accountable and having fiscal control over the initiatives necessary to secure actual change (internal education and other programs). Making donations to nonprofits or academic institutions that support BIPOC individuals does not create organizational cultural change. In many cases just enough money is invested to keep the DEIA office open, but not enough to result in real change.

Paralysis

When I obsess on perfection, I become paralyzed, unable to proceed past a phrase or word that is less than perfect. And so it often is with organizational change. Those in a position to make decisions become overwhelmed by an endless stream of details, ‘urgent matters’* and meetings. (Every organization has too many meetings!) So, progress grinds to a halt. The easy path is often taken which means dusting off the same old training content (maybe updating it slightly), and forcing people to spend two or three hours reviewing the same information without sufficient time to actually have a meaningful conversation or to address the barriers that keep more organizations than I can count from really succeeding because they are not really inclusive or equitable or diverse. I continue to assert the fact that organizations must be those things in order to be sustainably successful.

So, organizations go part way down a path leading to the opportunity to really face their demons and purge them and then they stop and maybe take a few steps backward and a few more forward without ever completing the full journey only to complain about not getting where they need to be.

Progress

Moving forward requires movement, change, progress. This seems unbelievably simple and yet, here we are in stasis. We (I) intend to do good works and am stopped in my tracks by so many overwhelming bad acts. I want to solve so many problems that I cannot solve any problems. When I was conducting investigations of discrimination for the City of New York we were inundated with EEO complaints. I needed to focus and to conduct one interview at a time, read one document at a time, and review every piece of evidence, one at a time—regardless of how quickly I wanted to solve the problem (end the discriminatory conduct and hold responsible parties accountable for violating the policy and law). I had to take each step one at a time in order to make progress.

This can be frustrating and boring and tiring and annoying, but it is still necessary. Well, it is necessary if we truly want to end the discriminatory conduct and hold the people who are discriminating accountable. That takes persistence and bravery. I have quit jobs, fired clients and walked away from potential opportunities for this reason more than once in my career. It is also important to share that I can collaborate with a client on developing an exquisite strategic plan, but I cannot implement it for them. I can coach a client on giving constructive feedback and on managing team members who lack the skill or worse, the will to do what the organization needs them to do, but I cannot have those conversations or implement employee actions for them.

image showing a magic wand and magician's hat with the words "Magic Show" across the top

I have asked people what they would do (how would they solve their current problem) if they had a magic wand. I do not intend to ask that question anymore. I think that I need to ask you, “What are you willing to do the solve your problem?” The magic wand scenario doesn’t consider the work needed to solve the problem; it just allows us to visualize our desired result. The second question is much more realistic and gives us a way to measure our progress against our goals.

Two other questions that I ask that I believe may be helpful to address our current state:

Why would I strive to accomplish something without a guarantee of success?

What is the hardest thing that you have overcome?

I believe that these are realistic reflections when embarking on a mission that is challenging whether emotionally, intellectually, physically, or all three. In many cases, if we can anticipate that an endeavor will be challenging (such as applying to, getting accepted, and then attending and completing graduate school) we are not necessarily overwhelmed to the point of giving up when we actually have to do the work. This does not mean that we will not have extremely challenging periods of hard, overwhelming work, but that we can visualize the results of those efforts in a realistic way and dig into our resilience and persistence and carry on.

Inclusion—achieving actual inclusion—is not easy and never fully accomplished. So, when it is a goal for an organization, the leaders of that organization need to remind themselves and their team members of this fact. Inclusion is an evolutionary process. An ever-expanding, ever-changing goal. Inclusion requires each of us to face the fact that things we thought or said or did twenty years ago might make us cringe today. It does not mean that we get trapped or paralyzed by guilt (woulda, coulda, shoulda) or what ifs, but that we learn from experience, receiving new information, and interacting with others.

Onward!

My signature word is onward. The reason for this is that I am perpetually seeking to make progress. I hope to learn new things every day. I strive to grow my relationships into healthy, joyful, and productive collaborations (professionally and personally). I work to carry out my mission to make manifest the value of all people. None of this is possible if I am paralyzed by a need to be perfect. If I can accept this as a fact, I can move on. If I apply that knowledge to others as well as myself, I can coexist in a productive way, moving onward despite the many barriers that we all face daily.

Photo of Haiku Stairs Hawaii

Haʻikū Stairs, Hawaii

It is imperative when we are perfectly justified in feeling overwhelmed, depressed, angry, frustrated and disillusioned that we continue to move onward. We need to acknowledge the impact of external conditions of ourselves and our organizational cultures. What can we really control? I believe that we can control our decision to continue to move forward, even when it is painful, frightening, and exhausting. Each step forward is a declaration of our resilient love, an expression of persistent joy, and an act of strategic hope.

My focus is on helping leaders to strategically navigate the impact of external conditions on identity safety and collaboration, and how best to support employees and other strategic partners in constructive ways during challenging times.

I would love to hear from you and discuss how I can help you with your Inclusion Strategy®.

Onward!

August 27, 2025

FYI: Inclusion Strategy is not only the name of my company, I own the trademark to this expression having established first use of it decades ago.

* I may need to write a unique blog post on what we consider to be urgent versus what actually is urgent.

Wendy@InclusionStrategy.com

 

Rational Fear Defined

   Fire. Poison. Sharp knives. Guns. Being fearful of these things, especially in certain circumstances, is quite rational. I am afraid of re-breaking bones damaged in the past, for example. That is a wise thing to be. Irrational fears or phobias, on the other hand, are usually the result of some trauma.

  A photo of a forest with a small waterfall For example, when I was 11 years old I was camping with my family in the Catskill Mountains in New York. My sister and I were hiking into a ravine when suddenly a pack of feral dogs appeared and began surrounding us. My sister instinctively took off running as fast as she could. I froze. Not because I wanted to or had the presence of mind to think about the best course of action to avoid being bitten or torn to shreds, but because I was terrified. This is the only instance in my life when I was actually petrified—unable to move. Watching my big sister disappear in the undergrowth added to my traumatized state. I was alone in the woods and now, as they had ample time to do so, a pack of about ten dogs of various breeds and sizes, but none of them lap dog size, surrounded me.

    My mind raced. What should I do? What did the Girl Scout handbook advise. (I was notThe painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch a girl scout, but my sisters had been and I memorized the book in the hopes of one day joining their ranks.) A cold line of sweat inched down my back. It was as sharp as a blade against my skin on that hot summer day.   

The dogs were snarling and growling lowering their heads and flaring their nostrils. How could this be happening?! The Girl Scout manual advised staying as calm as possible and avoiding eye contact. I did have a stick, (which I was using as a sort of walking stick during our hike). If I throw the stick, they might go after it. That did not make sense as I could not throw a two foot long stick far enough without moving more than I thought prudent under the current conditions. I CANNOT MOVE ANYWAY! I shouted silently to myself.

     After what seemed like an eternity, I heard voices. Multiple family members were calling my name. The sounds broke the spell and I was able to respond. “Over here! In the ravine. I am surrounded by dogs!” They told me to stay calm and stay still. The dogs were now confused and distracted so I threw the stick in one direction and ran as fast as I could toward my siblings. They aided in my escape by throwing rocks at the now dispersing dogs. I was safe. I was saved. Whew!

     That was a long time ago. The moral of the story is to keep calm and find a solution as every problem has a solution. Why am I sharing this with you now? Well, we all currently have a great deal to be afraid of. Democracy is under assault across the globe as human rights and civil rights are being dismantled and destroyed.

     As one who has conducted thousands of investigations into claims of employment discrimination two words or phrases have always irked me. The first is homophobia. What exactly are people afraid of, catching homosexuality like one might catch COVID-19? The use of homophobia as a slur against members of the LGBTQI community was in use by 1969, long before the HIV-AIDs pandemic, which was used by some as an excuse to persecute, isolate and discriminate against those members of our society.

     The same goes for Islamophobia. I have never met a non-Muslim person who ‘caught Islam’, although, I do know a few people who have converted voluntarily. A phobia is an irrational fear. Like my fear of dogs after the incident in the woods. For quite a while after the ‘petrified forest incident,’ which included a great deal of teasing by my siblings, I would become terrified any time I encountered a large dog. Gratefully, that condition went away after living with a Gordan Setter named, creatively, Gordie, from puppy-hood who was the sweetest, gentlest dog I’ve ever known (even after he grew to 70 lbs in weight).

     We need to call things what they are. Anti-gay hate. Anti-Muslim hate. Since September 11, 2001 Anti-Muslim hate and acts of discrimination increased exponentially. People want a scapegoat. Someone to blame. A focus for their pain and grief. A group of terrorists committed horrendous acts of violence resulting in the deaths of thousands of people. That is a fact that should be obvious. Not all Muslims are terrorists nor are all Muslims terrorist sympathizers. Not all Germans are Nazis nor are all Germans Nazi sympathizers.

     Fear of the other has been effectively manipulated as a tool by those who intend to divide and conquer us. Taking our many differences and distorting those differences into bad, negative and dangerous things is very effective, especially when used against people who live in isolated, monocultural communities. Today, the internet is available to connect and unite us and to provide information, should we choose to do more than a cursory search, on other cultures, religions, life styles, and characteristics.   

     I have written a great deal about the importance of words and how we use them. Fear is a specific tangible feeling and is often, as I wrote above, completely rational. A phobia should be treated by a professional therapist or it may have lifelong debilitating effects.

     With all of the polarization, mis and disinformation that is causing so much pain right now, I urge you to choose your words carefully and to use them in context.

     I would love to hear what you think.

     Stay safe and well.

     Onward!

    ~ Wendy

July 11, 2025

Wendy Amengual Wark
(She/Her)
Founder
Inclusion Strategy Solutions LLC
Wendy@InclusionStrategy.com  
01-347-880-0777
InclusionStrategy.com

 

Independence Day – In Context

These are challenging times. Many of us are discouraged and even feeling despair in the face of our current political, economic, and cultural situation. An effective method for overcoming feelings of discouragement or despair is to encourage others. Even the process of searching for the right words, tone, and examples helps me to remember that we are not alone—I am not alone. This is very important and helpful to me. Sharing encouragement with someone else gives me bio-feedback and as they begin to feel better so do I.

Another helpful exercise is to think about the past. The many millions of human beings who overcame seemingly unsurmountable odds to survive long enough to become our ancestors.  “You think you have it hard! When I was a kid, we had to walk up hill in the snow without shoes both coming and going to school!” OK, maybe not uphill in both directions, but you get the point.

Someone reminded me yesterday that we can connect with each in ways unimaginable even a few generations ago. We do not need to walk ten miles to the next village to get the news or find a kindred spirit. We can log on to the internet and quickly find evidence that there are others who agree that diversity is one of the most amazing things about our nation. We can read blog posts of those who fight everyday for our equity and rights. We can watch videos expressing the power of inclusion in communities. We can learn about the rock stars of advocacy for disability rights, such as Judy Heumann who never accepted “no access” as an answer.    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzW3Mm61OP8

Each year I read The Declaration of Independence and think about what the words mean, within the context of the blatant double standards of its authors, as a foundation to our Constitution and Bill of Rights. The Declaration Of Independence

To fully understand that context, it is important to hear a different voice, one that represents those written out of history by the signers of the Declaration. Frederick Douglass’ speech “What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?” delivered in Corinthian Hall, Rochester, NY, July 5th, 1852 at the invitation of Rochester Ladies’ Anti-Slavery Society gave voice to millions of enslaved people in the United States exposing white people to a reality that many of them had the privilege not to think about. https://frederickdouglasspapersproject.com/s/digitaledition/item/16068

I know that things look bleak. Mr. Douglass made clear how bleak life is for many, many people.  I also know that together we can accomplish the extraordinary. Giving up or giving in is not an option.

“A Declaration of Interdependence,” is a 4 minute film celebrating interdependence by Tiffany Shlain and Let It Ripple Studio that I have been sharing since 2013. It has never been more relevant or needed. https://www.letitripple.org/adeclarationofinterdependence

Please share this message with anyone who you think may need some encouragement, connection or context.

Onward!

~ Wendy

July 4, 2025

Wendy Amengual Wark
(She/Her)

Founder
Inclusion Strategy Solutions LLC

01-347-880-0777
Wendy@inclusionstrategy.com 
InclusionStrategy.com 

 

Defending DEIA: The Power of Evidence and Numbers

“Costco is looking like the big winner after Target’s DEI rollback.”¹
“We make our decisions at Princeton based on our values and our principles.”²
“More Than 500 Law Firms Sign Onto Perkins Coie Amicus”³
“New York Public Schools Uphold DEI Policies Despite Federal Threats”4

These headlines provide evidence that standing up for diversity, equity, inclusion, and access works. That standing up for justice—especially against bullies—works, and that standing together works.

Evidence
I am an expert in diversity, equity, inclusion and access. I have been developing and facilitating workshops on these subjects for more than 30 years with the intent of helping people to understand that our perceptions and biases have a strong impact on our experiences. It has been imperative to use evidence to defend the work that I do throughout my career.

There is abundant data showing that employees who work in organizations that effectively and strategically incorporate diversity, equity, inclusion and access into their policies, protocols, and practices, are much happier than those who work in organizations where these concepts are not valued.5 More people apply for jobs at these organizations—more highly qualified people. Turnover is diminished, law suits are less common, and engagement and productivity are higher.6 

So, why are people saying that DEIA is bad and nobody likes it? Some people are saying that. There has been a steady stream of mis and disinformation about what DEIA is and what its outcomes are. This disinformation is repeated again and again in corporate media without validation. It is possible for those in power to get other people to agree with disinformation—think of “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”7 

I have had the extraordinary opportunity to observe many dozens of people experience a transformation from believing that DEIA is useless, even—damaging, to embracing it. I attribute that to my commitment to creating a space where all are welcomed with empathy and respect. Of the more than 10,000 people who have participated in my workshops, less than 5% have expressed that their experience was negative.8 Whether in the private, public, academic or nonprofit sectors, this data is consistent.

Share the Good News!
I recommend showing and telling. Meaning, we need to share the ample evidence that being around diverse human beings is healthy for us as individuals, organizations, and communities; that being inclusive: collaborating with others in an interdependent way is incredibly efficient, effective, and makes us happier; that having equity means that we all have a right to the same protections and; that having accessibility does not just benefit those who have been historically excluded based on having a disability, but provides all of us the opportunity to collaborate with more people.

Diversity, equity, inclusion, and access by any other name, is still what it is: Good for people, organizations, communities, and nations. I am encouraging all organizations that have benefited through their diversity, equitability, inclusivity, and accessibility to show and tell everyone! Use a bold homepage statement that includes data showing how great things are and share it on social media, via press releases and in employee town halls. Join Costco and other organizations that have increased their market share specifically because of their commitment to being diverse, equitable, inclusive, and accessible. Stand behind your principles like Princeton University and other academic institutions where applications for admission are going up instead of down. Defend your rights like Perkins Coie and other law firms and members of the legal community and increase your potential client share. The more organizations amplify the positive impact of DEIA on their missions, the clearer it will be that those who are abandoning these concepts are in the minority and never actually embraced them in the first place.

Power in Numbers
Individuals can be part of the solution by supporting those organizations that are standing up in several ways. Attorneys who believe in justice and the rule of law can join the firms that align with those values. Those who need legal guidance can seek out the firms who have signed the amicus brief. Professors and students can become part of academic institutions that are committed to freedom of speech and uncensored access to information and knowledge. Consumers can vote with their wallets by shopping at places that reflect their diversity.

There are many adages about hanging together, standing united, and having power in numbers. It is a concept that has not been this important since the Declaration of Independence was signed 249 years ago. A group of 56 delegates from all 13 American Colonies signed the Declaration citing evidence of disenfranchisement, violations of the rule of law, disintegration of the balance of powers, lack of due process, and other offenses. Signing that document was an act of Treason against the British Crown which carried a death penalty and a loss of all property which would leave the signers’ dependents destitute if they failed. The defenders of democracy prevailed and we have been able to enjoy the benefits of their sacrifice until now. Evidence and numbers work when used by people who are passionate about justice, equity, and the truth. Let’s use them again to defend our rights and each other.

Onward!

~ Wendy

April 14, 2025

Wendy Amengual Wark
Founder
Inclusion Strategy Solutions LLC
Wendy@InclusionStrategy.com
Inclusion Strategy Solutions

Page, Scott. The Difference: How the Power of Diversity Creates Better Groups, Firms, Schools, and Societies. Princeton. Princeton University Press. 2007.
8 We use anonymous surveys to determine participants’ perceptions of the experience and its potential impact on their job performance.

 

 

Just Say NO!

Just Say NO!


     My personal mission is to make manifest the value of all people. What that means is to make it obvious that Black lives matter, that no human is illegal, and that all of us—regardless of our gender identity or expression—all of us—have the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” When Thomas Jefferson penned those words he certainly would not have agreed with my mission as his was a highly qualified and contradictory set of principles. That does not mean that we should disregard the inspirational words that fueled a monumental political shift. Nor does it mean that we should ascribe presentist notions to ancient interpretations of humanity and human rights. What it does mean is that as we evolve—biologically, intellectually, and spiritually, our ability to comprehend complex notions of relationships expands. Ideally, we evolve. In reality, members of various species evolved at different rates. (Not all fish began crawling up river banks as amphibians on the same day, for example.)

Interdependent Collaboration

     The cornerstone of my work is interdependent collaboration. A group of human beings agree that they are better off when every one of them contributes to the greater good. Further, those collaborations are better—more successful—when those groups are comprised of diverse people. People of diverse ages, races, ethnicities, religions, sexual orientations, and etc. Such collaborations cannot succeed if members of any sub-group have greater access to equality than the others. The rules of engagement must be based on equity for the group to experience sustained success. Oh, there are countless groups that have had success for a while without being even remotely equitable, but not for any extended period of time. The relational part of this concept is being inclusive. I love this word! I have been sharing for years how inclusion requires action; more than an invitation, it requires that I ask questions about your preferences and really listen to and value your perspective. This is not possible if someone believes that they are superior to any other member of the group. Perhaps one member of the group is excellent at math and another is excellent at writing and another is excellent at strategic planning. They can all contribute their unique skills, knowledge and talents to the success of the group, but no one is more valuable than anyone else. I insist that we also include access to this list. If the group is not accessible—physically and otherwise, it cannot be inclusive. Period.

Communicate!

     In order for interdependent collaboration to succeed, people need to communicate clearly, honestly, and openly. This is never easy. The primary barrier to being truly inclusive is the inability to effectively communicate. I have facilitated many hundreds of workshops on inclusive communication, supervision and management. What I have observed is that most people have never learned how to communicate successfully and effectively. All of the fracas about DEIA initiatives being ineffective in organizations, (Not to mention the vitriolic demonization of DEIA which has no basis in reality and intentionally distorts the meaning of these words and concepts.) stems from identifying organizations where DEIA initiatives were never effectively implemented in the first place. (I have been invited to come in and clean up messes in many organizations that had less than successful DEIA launches.) So, if the media focuses on the failures and those without extensive experience in this profession rant about how DEIA needs to be overhauled, I have to ask, “What are your sources?”
     I will not sit by silently while our world is destroyed by those who have figured out how to divide and conquer through controlling mass communication. The internet continues to offer us extraordinary benefits. It is also a very dangerous tool which has been used to manipulate and disenfranchise people by distorting, disrupting, destroying, and denying facts.
     Many friends and family members have been checking in to see how I am holding up in the midst of the overt assault on my profession. I am as disgusted, enraged, and demoralized as are most rational, compassionate human beings by the acts being perpetrated by a small group of people. But (there is no ‘yes, and’ here), I will not comply in advance. I will not be censored. I will not stop telling the truth and sharing history and information. I will just say ‘NO’ to anyone who suggests that I should tolerate racism, sexism, and any form of hate based on a person’s characteristics, affinities or the location of their birth. I will just say ‘NO’ to anyone who suggests that I pivot (although I am extremely pivotal) to another topic in my writing and work. I will just say ‘NO’ to those who are amplifying the lies and the hatred and the disinformation.

What Can You Do?

     We are at a crossroads. Federal employees are being put on administrative leave for having attended DEAI workshops, DEAI programs are being dismantled and people are being fired, organizations are deleting the DEIA pages and messaging from their websites. People are reaching out to and asking me how to respond to this. I recommend that you respond according to how your are directly impacted and to assess any potential risk that you might face as a result of your actions.
     A diverse coalition representing the nation’s leading academics and higher education officials, restaurant workers, and the City of Baltimore has filed a federal complaint to block anti-DEIA actions by the current Republican Administration.


     People are signing petitions, making telephone calls, visiting their Senators and Representatives at their offices, and participating in peaceful protests. Find the actions that are the most effective for you. I do recommend making those actions ‘stretch goals.’ Meaning that they require you to make some effort and perhaps move outside of your comfort zone. If you are uncomfortable with the current assault on human and civil rights then taking action to end those assaults will lessen your discomfort.
     I treasure our interdependent collaborations and will fight to keep our group diverse, equitable, inclusive, and accessible. I urge you to join me and stand up for the rights of others—for the rights of all of us—and just say ‘NO’ to the fascists who are working around the clock to strip us of our humanity, our dignity, and our rights.

What Do You Think?


     Please respond and let me know if you read this and what you think. Also, please share this message with others, if you agree with it, by reposting it on social media and forwarding this email. It is imperative that we control and drive our communication. If each of us promotes, amplifies, and disseminates messages of inclusion and love we will diminish the constant attention being given to lies and hate. Also, when faced with strategies designed to isolate us and make us feel that we are defenseless it is critical that we remain connected and express our love and support for one another. I would love to hear from you and to know how you are managing.
     You are not alone.
     Onward!
     ~ Wendy

Join me at BlueSky @wwilloww.bsky.social

 

 

What Can I do to Save DEIA?

As the number of organizations gutting, shuttering, and micromanaging DEIA programs increases, many of us—experts, practitioners, employees, customers, students, members, et al—wonder what can we do to stop the dismantling of initiatives that protect rights, empower diversity, and encourage inclusion?
The overwhelming barrage of negative information and disinformation can result in people shutting down. It is entirely understandable to want to limit our exposure to painful, hateful words (actions). But, there are many ways to refute and resist lies and hate speech and doing so feels much better than stewing in silence!
On July 29, 1992 when I was the E.E.O. Director for the City of New York’s Department of Transportation, Ray Kerrison, a reporter for the New York Post, wrote an article attacking our establishment of an affinity group for LGBTQi employees, entitled, “City has $$ for gays, not potholes.” We had enough money for filling potholes and for E.E.O. initiatives including providing antidiscrimination education that created an inclusive and safe place for employees.
The same words and tactics are being used now, thirty-three years later. Extremists are blaming the devastation of the massive fires in California on DEI and being “woke.” I won’t amplify any of those voices by quoting them or linking to sources that do amplify them. I will say clearly and affirmatively that these tactics did not work thirty-three years ago, and they are not working now.
I will continue to develop and facilitate education on antidiscrimination and to support my clients in the creation of strategic plans that incorporate the importance of having a diverse community, the value of being inclusive, the ethics of equity and justice, and the positive results of having an organizational culture that helps people to feel like they belong and matter.
For those of you who are not DEIA experts and wonder what may happen if your employer succumbs to this unhealthy ‘anti-inclusion’ trend, here are some recommendations. First, I would ask myself the following questions:
1. Have I benefited by being in relationship with people who are different from myself (ethnically, racially, educationally, economically, culturally)?
2. Have I improved my communication skills and professional interaction through learning about microaggressions, unconscious bias, allyship, and other DEIA subjects?
3. Do I believe that people deserve to be protected from bullies, sexists, racists, homophobes, islamophobes, and antisemites?
4. Do I believe that there are barriers to full inclusion for BIPOC, LGBTQi, and other people including their national origin, religion, and other characteristics?
If you have answered “yes” to any of the above questions, BRAVO!
The next step is to determine how effective your organization’s DEIA efforts are. I have been ranting about this for years: not all programs are the same. A twenty-minute video may be sufficient to teach me how to create a pivot table on a spreadsheet, but is unlikely to help me to understand and navigate our long and painful history of racism. In other words, quality matters and so it is critical that those who are leading DEIA efforts are truly experts in this complicated and challenging field. Organizations that have made a solid commitment (aka investment) in sustainable, strategic DEIA cultures, including genuine support for their DEIA teams, have reaped the rewards. The qualitative and quantitative benefits are apparent as survey after survey shows. In our own case, more than 90% of the more than 10,000 attendees of our workshops have responded to the evaluations stating that their experience was positive and beneficial to their role in the organization. So, who do you think employers will ultimately listen to in the battle for organizational culture?
But Wendy, I am not a DEIA expert! What can I do? Well, there is quite a bit. If you are employed by an organization whether public, private, or non-profit, let the decision makers know that you have benefitted by the organization’s DEIA efforts and want them to continue. Let them know that you want to work in an organization where diversity is valued, inclusion is intentional, equal opportunities based on your experience and knowledge are the standard, and accessibility for everyone is expected. Do not wait for a statement on social media about your organization going back in time to speak up. Speak up now! If there is an anonymous employee feedback mechanism (for those of you who may not feel safe to speak out openly), then use that and encourage your co-workers to do so as well.

Employers will not want to risk losing their top employees or worse, having a mass exodus of employees because they sought to win favor with a temporary regime. Most employers know that they are doing much better because of diversity than they were before. There is a great deal of data to prove this. Now, you have an excellent opportunity remind them of this.
This applies to college students, customers and members of all types of organizations. We must ask if an organization which receives our resources: time, money, energy, and support is aligned with our values and beliefs. If not, we must exercise our right to choose the organizations that we can and should belong to.
Just as every vote counts during an election, every voice counts during times of cultural change. Rather than the one negative sound bite that is repeated incessantly on corporate media (whether cable or social media), think how incredible it would be if a multitude of voices expressing the belief that being ‘woke’ and diverse and inclusive and equitable and having access while belonging to a healthy organization is a fantastic thing!
By the way, I wrote the New York Post in response to the misinformation that they published. In that letter, I invited Ray Kerrison, the author of the article to attend one of my workshops. He never responded, although the paper did acknowledge the errors in his article. Additionally, the employee who led our LGBTQi group also wrote to the paper to clarify the facts regarding the minimal cost of the initiative (all members of the group participated voluntarily, at no cost to taxpayers) and the New York Post printed his letter.
Today is the perfect day for you to speak up. I expect that if you do, you will find that there are many, many other people who are in harmony with you.
Onward!
Wendy

 

Surviving Predators

Trigger Warning
This post includes references to the of abuse of a child and to attempted suicide.

Without Hope
As an abused child, there were many days when I was without hope. Without hope that tomorrow would be better than today. Without hope that anyone could save me, as those who were meant to do so were the perpetrators of that abuse—the predators whose disease fed on my existence—my parents. Without hope that anyone could possibly understand what I was experiencing as my life was the opposite of what was depicted as the ideal American life on television shows designed to project an image of wholesome righteousness during the early nineteen sixties when millions of us ‘Boomers’ were glued to our TV sets.

Without hope that someone would or could come and rescue me, I did what many hopeless people do, I attempted to end my life. I experienced a cycle of suicide attempts multiple times that ended before I turned 18. A dear friend said to me years ago, “I am grateful that the one thing that you are really bad at is suicide!” Years of incredibly competent therapy and living a life surrounded by people who love and nurture me, have kept me on a path of healing.

The current state of our world is incredibly triggering for myself and my fellow survivors. We are re-experiencing a time when predators can feast on the rest of us without constraint. When perpetrators of horrendous crimes go unpunished and unchecked. When those charged with protecting us and the greater good of upholding the law and maintaining order have a record of telling lies, perpetrating abuse, discriminating against, and bullying others. When reality is the opposite of all that we worked for, dreamed of, and thought that we overcame.

It is not that I hold any delusion of living in a post-racist, equitable, inclusive society, I would not have as many clients as I do if this were so. I did, despite my history, think that we were progressing, evolving. Alas, I forgot how predators work. I have lived with many predators other than my parents – cats and dogs, mainly. Predators can wait a really, really long time for their prey to forget that they are lurking in the shadows to pounce. When predators are sated but bored they tend to play with their food. Cats will play with wounded prey for quite a while as a means of entertainment. Think of the thriving pet toy market.

This is the same way that bullies operate. They need their targets (or victims) to respond. To cry, complain, react in some way. Hence, the expression, “Liberal tears.” Sometimes, the best way to shut down a bully is to ignore them. Going back to the anecdote about predators, the best defense for members of species that are considered prey for other species is to play dead. There are countless examples of this, the most famous being the opossum, which plays dead involuntarily. If the predator is not truly hungry they will usually not exert the energy needed to try to find out if their prey is really dead already. In terms of bullies, if they are ignored, two things may occur: first, they may become bored by playing a two person game alone. Second, their ego may take a hit as the oxygen narcissists crave is attention. If one target does not provide it, they will usually move on to another. Think of the multiple forms of adrenaline rushes available to those hooked on it.

Never Enough
My husband goes fly fishing. He has shared a story of fishing for trout that many people who fly fish have experienced. When removing the hook from the mouth of a trout, he saw that there was not just another insect already in its mouth, but several more in its throat. So many insects that the fish could not possibly even swallow them. Why did the fish go after yet another fly when it was already full? Because the fish is not thinking about tomorrow. The fish is only thinking about getting as much food as possible right now. Similarly, there are those for whom there is never enough money, power, toys, or followers.

Survival in Numbers
Watching nature programs as children we learned that those who strayed from the herd, whether babies or elders, were easy pickings for the predators. We would watch between our fingers as the lion got the poor gazelle in its sites and would wait for just the right moment to spring and end its life. I would whisper into my hand “Stay with the herd! Stay together!” This was a tactic that I learned growing up on the sidewalks of the projects and in my apartment both. I was safer when I was with a group.

I have been watching people scatter and panic and give up without even trying to survive. Sometimes on those very same nature shows, a group of animals who are typically the prey would flip the script and take down a hyena or a tiger. I have seen groups of birds—from multiple species—come together and protect their community from a red tailed hawk so effectively that I would think that they had done a few strategic planning sessions. [This is an inside joke for my clients and colleagues.]

The Moral of the Story [Another reference to strategic planning.]
Hope, strategic hope, requires that we have a vision for tomorrow, of a brighter tomorrow. When I was in my darkest hour, I would visualize those who I loved, those who would be traumatized by my death, who would mourn my absence. Those visions have motivated me to stay around for decades and still give me hope for the future. I think of all of the young people who are currently enrolled in college or attending high school or junior high school or third grade. Then, I think of that question that interviewers will often ask famous people, “What would you tell eight year old Wendy, if you could?

“Wendy, this is temporary and you will survive. It will require you to work really hard and to talk to others who you think are doing fine (they are not) and form a club. That club needs to be inclusive and diverse and every voice needs to be heard and no matter what the predators say or do, you have to stay together.”

What Does Together Mean?
Anyone who grapples with depression knows that the worst thing for us is isolation. We cannot do this alone. We should not do this alone. We will not do this alone.

For years in my workshops I have explained the difference between diversity and inclusion this way. Diversity is a fact. We, within our species, are diverse. We come in various shades and sizes, we speak many different languages, we eat a wide range of foods, and we have an extraordinary variety of affinities and identities which, when intersected make us who we are. Inclusion requires action, continual action. First, I must invite you to join me. Then, I must treat you with value, to listen to you and learn what you need and want. Finally, I must be willing to change how I do what I do.

Survival Tactics
Back to how triggering all of this power shifting is for most of us. Some recommendations for being mindful of others’ state of being:

Do not send people links without a description. I have had multiple friends send me links in the past few weeks without telling what the link is to. I will not open them. Not only am I tired of being bombarded by scammy texts and emails and the relentless requests for donations, I am too emotionally charged these days to click on a link and see a video of someone ranting about how bad things are, or to a bunch of statistics about how bad things are, or of an image depicting how bad things are. Also, please do not send cartoons, memes, or ‘witty’ quips about those about to take control. They are not funny.

Verify everything that you read. The volume of disinformation being spread by predators will continue to exponentially increase. We must diligently verify any ‘news’ that we take in to confirm that it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Do not amplify the voices of those who are lying, gas lighting, or hate speaking. Part of how we got to this place is that those voices have been broadcast consistently and without filtering or question for years on corporate media.

Do not assume that others are alright. Ask. I have a long history of becoming quiet when I am not doing well emotionally. Those closest to me know this and check-in. They ask how I am and what I need or want. Sometimes, just their asking makes me feel better, connected, and loved.

Remember that you are not alone. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline connects you to trained crisis counselors 24/7. You can also call, text or chat 988 if you are worried about someone you care about who may need crisis support. Please remember that others need you and want you to be here.

One of the things that helped me to break out of my cycle of self-harm was helping others. When I was sixteen, I volunteered at a cancer ward for terminally ill children under thirteen. At that point, I was no longer subjected to the abuse that I endured for the majority of my childhood. I would bring my acoustic guitar and play songs like “Puff the Magic Dragon,” and “B-I-N-G-O,” to the delight of the kids who were in ward. Those children engaged in persistent joy and it was contagious! They made my heart sing. Connection with and supporting others was and is a lifeline for me.

An Invitation
I was a very imaginative child. My imagination saved me again and again. These days, I am picturing myself as a French Resistance fighter during World War II. I am wearing a black beret; I am smoking a Gauloises cigarette and cranking a ham radio. I am calling you. I hope that you can hear me and will respond, s’il vous plait.

I am cordially inviting you to join my club. Many of you are already members, but I think this is a great time to remind you how much I value you and all that you are and do to make our world a better place. I do not know what we should call this club. Perhaps, the club for people who practice resilient love, or the we have been through too much to give up now club. Whatever we call it, we need to come together and stay together and protect each other and our world.

Onward!

Wendy Amengual Wark
December 11, 2024

A photo of the New Jersey Palisades cliffs covered in fall foliage October 2024

This golden morning view gives me incredible hope and joy and makes my heart sing with love.

Wendy@InclusionStrategy.com
Inclusion Strategy Solutions LLC

 

Gratitude

Thanksgiving is historically challenging as it reminds us that those who get to tell their story have the opportunity to be heard, regardless of how accurate or honest that story is. I study history. I study people. Our collective story is messy, brutal, and fraught. However, it is also a story of persistence, resilience, and hope.

I acknowledge that we have both the opportunity and responsibility to tell an inclusive, diverse story and to share our gratitude for the journey that has brought us to this place at this time. You may not be feeling particularly grateful being right here, right now as this is the most challenging time that this nation has faced in contemporary history. This is exactly why it is important for us to feel, share and express our gratitude.

Strategic hope is something that you will be hearing me recommend a lot in the coming days, weeks, months, and years. It is something that you and I can do to resist oppression, hate, division, and fear. Think of one thing that you can do today that will make a difference in someone’s life. Donating to a shelter. Preparing a meal at a community center. Calling someone you have lost contact with and letting them know that you care. One thing—one act when strategically carried out can create hope. Make a strategic plan to guard and share your hope for our future.

Persistent joy is another key element of my plan. As a survivor of abuse and one who has lived with intense grief, joy has become a tangible part of my life. I am acutely aware of my need to be open to receiving and experiencing joy. The need to remain open to joy does not put me at risk of experiencing more pain. On the contrary, I persistently seek out joy through surrounding myself with people who make me happy, by doing things that are joyful (walking in nature, preparing a shared meal, dancing to my favorite music). Think about something that brings you joy. Whether it is something that you do all by yourself or with others, put it on your calendar and do it frequently!

Resilient love is my favorite! When I was widowed at 36 I never thought that I would marry again. A dear friend recently said that it is so obvious that Chris (my second husband), loves me deeply. She was glowing when she said it. If I had not been open to giving and receiving love after Gerard died, I could not have the love that I share in my second marriage.

All of these reflections bring me back to gratitude. I am so incredibly grateful for my family. By family I mean those members of my biological family with whom I have a relationship (which is only a portion of the full group) and my fictive kin. Those who I choose as members of my tribe: dear friends who I get to spend holidays with, whose children feel like the grandchildren I will never have, whose love and support and guidance is invaluable to me.

I am also deeply grateful to my colleagues and clients. I have the incredible honor to work with people who are committed to the mission that I have had for years: to make manifest the value of all people. Each of us does this in our own way, through our various fields and professions, but it is the common denominator of those who I choose to collaborate with.
Think about the people in your life who make it richer, who feed your curiosity, encourage your success, support your efforts, and empathize with your struggles. Think about our interdependence and how each of us can bring one dish to the table which is uniquely ours and makes the meal so delicious.

Autumn is winding down here in New York. The multitude of colors ranges from deep brown to pale yellow to brilliant red—I like to call it “Fruit Loops” – represent us. Our deep roots, the majority of our beings, are underground, unseen, while we stretch to show our best and most beautiful selves to each other.

You are beautiful to me. You are hope and joy and love and I am grateful for you.

Onward!

~ Wendy

November 27, 2024
Wendy@InclusionStrategy.com
Inclusion Strategy Solutions LLC

 

The Art of Denial

Am Not!

Picture two siblings, perhaps eight and six years old. The argument may be over a toy, or a game, or who sat on whom, or any other rival-based competition. It may go like this: “You’re a liar!” “Am not! You are!” We used to say, “I’m rubber, you’re glue, bounce off me and stick on you!”[1] In other words, the original perpetrator of the crime turns the truth around and accuses the accuser of whatever act they just committed.

Did Not

In the same theme of denial, the success of the act of denial is dependent upon the denier’s credibility, or when that is lacking, their ability to persuade whoever is listening, that they are telling the truth, while denying it. I have had many dozens of perpetrators of discriminatory conduct patently, intensely, convincingly deny their culpability. This was always a challenge, although there were several occasions when I actually had the ‘smoking gun’ (in the form of a video or audio recording, an email or other evidence) in my hand while the perpetrator and liar vehemently argued their innocence. This allowed us to proceed with appropriate disciplinary action against the violator of the law.

You May Not

Denial takes many other forms as well. Denying someone access by not providing ramps, ASL[2] translators or closed captioning; denying someone service because of their race or gender expression; denying someone’s right to justice and equity, denying someone else’s right to even exist, are all too common and have a wide-reaching destructive impact on our world.

You Are Not

My dear friend, Derrick Kikuchi, who has extensive experience advocating for peace and social justice responded to my last blog post, “Peace Talks” by reminding me that there are those who not only refuse to come to the table to reconcile differences, but deny others the rights and protections that they enjoy. Specifically, he cited the many times when fighting for marriage equality as a gay man, that people would literally walk out on the conversation and argue that his right to marry his incredible husband, Craig Wiesner, somehow infringed on their rights. That if Derrick and Craig won equal rights, those opposing that progress actually lost something as a result. I agree that peace talks are not possible if both parties are not willing to sit down together and talk and believe in the possibility of reconciliation. I agree that as long as an individual believes (has been convinced or brainwashed to believe) that our humanity – our very existence – costs them anything they will not be able to come to the table and participate in the process of reconciliation. I have had quite a few people storm away from the reconciliation table as a result of this during my career. This sounds so simple and yet is so complicated. How do we get people to sit down with us to work on reconciliation and living together in peace if they have been convinced that our humanity takes something from them?

Is Not

The 100 billion dollar question: What do we do with the segment of our society whose intractable beliefs are predicated upon others being less than them or not existing at all? That science and facts and history are hoaxes and experts and intellectuals are the enemy? The group that I reference above do not fit into the argument for both sides-ism. Hate in all of its disgusting guises has no place in that discussion.

There are many white, ‘straight’, ‘Christian’, ‘middle class’, individuals (sorry about all of the quotation marks, but all of those words need qualification) who struggle with BLM, Act Up, peaceful protests and other acts of constitutionally protected speech that have been the vehicle for progress and advancing equity and inclusion for centuries. That is because they are exposed, on an extraordinary basis, to disinformation and misinformation. They are emotionally exhausted by the onslaught of negative input. (As we all are.) This makes it easier to manipulate them, trigger them, and herd them into division and resentment.

I am encouraged by those who sit through mandatory DEIAB training silently and experience an awakening, a transformation when a spark is lit, a seed is planted and their empathy and understanding of the value of diversity takes root. Often, these participants in my sessions will contact me privately after the session ends to share their transformation and tell me what they are thinking and feeling. We will discuss how to get past the discomfort inherent in difficult conversations so that they can participate in self-growth, acceptance instead of denial. I am focused on those individuals, people who are not avowed haters of diversity—fascists and white supremacists—but who are being influenced by them.

Self-Denial

My father, a tri-racial Puerto Rican, embodied internalized racism in ways that impacted me profoundly, and still does decades later. His denial of his heritage was evidenced by his regular proclamations that his blood was pure Spanish, not mixed with African blood or Taíno (indigenous Caribbean) blood. The implication is that his European white ancestors were of more value than his African and Taíno ancestors. Many BIPOC individuals struggle with this legacy of race-based slavery and colonialism. Centuries of being told that white people are superior because they held the power. My father was taught to be ashamed of who he was and how he looked. He passed those lessons in self-denial on to his children.

Denial

Denial is one word. A word that we need to give careful consideration when we refer to ourselves as ‘good communicators’ or ‘people’ people. Who are we envisioning when we imagine how good we are at communicating? Who comes to mind when we think of the people we are comfortable with? What are we denying about our own barriers to inclusion? How might we address that denial? One word at a time.

Antidote to Denial

In my previous blog post, the word that I shared was peace. I endeavor to facilitate experiences where people can come together and engage in constructive conversations about painful and difficult subjects. The methodologies that I employ to help participants to have peace of mind while embarking on this process include anonymous surveys, focus groups, online anonymizing tools that help people to be fully heard without feeling at risk of judgment and the resultant guilt that may accompany it.

These methods create opportunities for individuals to face the facts that they have been taught to deny. One conversation, one word at a time.

Onward!

Wendy Amengual Wark
June 28, 2024
Wendy@InclusionStrategy.com
Inclusion Strategy Solutions LLC

[1] We did not say “bounces off of me and sticks on you” even though that would have been grammatically correct.

[2] American Sign Language

 

Peace Talks

 

Can We Talk?

            Once upon a time people could guess fairly accurately what another person’s political position was by their appearance. During certain periods throughout history it was also possible to determine one’s tribe based on their attire, hairstyle, and mode of transport. This was valuable information as knowing what to expect regarding interaction with others could save one’s life. Recognition enabled human beings to know whether or not they could discuss certain things with one another.

            For me, as a child of the 60s this information meant that I could discuss my position on the war in Vietnam, racism, sexism, poverty, and other subjects with those who I thought would agree with me based on how they looked. This technique helped me to avoid talking with people who I guessed would disagree with me on these and other issues.

What are the rules?

      When I entered the workforce there was an unspoken rule: never discuss politics or religion with your co-workers. You also never asked a co-worker what their salary was (sometimes learning what others were being paid was a bit traumatic, especially those who were being paid more than me, even though I supervised them, because they were married men with ‘families to support’). Some of those rules were established to keep the peace. To minimize employee conflict and to create a neutral environment where employees left the issues of the world at the door when they clocked in.

Optics

      I have spent thousands of  hours during the past three decades working to help people to become aware of our biases and how frequently we are wrong when we decide ‘who’ someone is based on optics. I have developed exercises and ice breakers intended to point this out without making people feel judged or threatened. I have had participants in my workshops insist that I had children, that I said that I have children, which I do not and did not, based on their perception that I should—according to optics—be a parent. In my case, I think that this misperception is also a result of my role as a facilitator, one in charge of a group of people providing guidance and support, which are parental competencies.

Polarization

     Polar opposites: pro-choice vs pro-life; pacifist vs hawk; Yankees vs Red Sox, etc. rarely believe that they have things that they can agree on. “They will never understand what we’ve been through!” “Why can’t they just get over it!” “Juneteenth isn’t a real holiday!” “All Americans should be educated about and celebrate Juneteenth National Independence Day.”

     One exercise that I developed years ago is “Us versus Them.” I ask participants to share who they perceive as ‘us’ and who they perceive as ‘them.’ We go through a few rounds of this before we reach the conclusion that there is no ‘them’ only ‘us.’ Once we get there, we can begin to have a conversation about shared interests, conceptions, and beliefs. Getting to the point of acknowledging our shared common denominators enables us to embark on a path of reconciliation.

     I consider this exercise to be the opposite of a “privilege walk[1]” exercise, as the focus is on our shared humanity not our differences. To be clear, I strongly value our diversity and also facilitate  exercises where we examine the distances we each have traveled and how our affinities and identities have impacted our journeys. These exercises are designed to work in tandem with each other to build relationships based on both our shared experiences and identities and our individual differences.

Reconciliation

     How can we reconcile our differences—of opinion, perspective, and experience—if we cannot talk with each other? When engaging in mediation my questions to the participants are:

  1. What do you want?
  2. What do you need?
  3. What do you expect?
  4. What does winning mean?
  5. What can you give the other person so that they can win?

      Mediation cannot succeed until and unless both sides can imagine the other side ‘winning’ without feeling as though they are losing.

       It was impossible to participate in managerial training in the 1990s without the expression ‘win-win’ being part of the conversation. This is because it is true. I cannot win unless you also win, unless I want you to win, until I want our success to be a shared experience—an inclusive experience.

Peace Talks

            Several people have said to me that based on the work that I do in organizations, I should try my hand at facilitating peace talks. Well, isn’t mediation a peace talk? Isn’t reconciliation a peace talk? Shouldn’t we come in peace when we hope to resolve our differences? Mitigating workplace conflict, especially when it is based on race, gender identity, religion, LGBTQ+ status, and other affinities, does require talking peace. Easing people’s anxiety. Helping people to navigate relationships which defy optics. Many people have shared with me that they are experiencing intense anxiety regarding their co-workers, especially in the past several years, as they do not know what side they are on, politically, socially. I hear frequently about the inability to trust one’s co-workers. Because people can no longer tell by looking at each other if they can be trusted.   

One Word at a Time

     I visualize building a bridge of words to cross the chasm of polarization, one word at a time. What words would you use to try to persuade someone who you believe is vehemently opposed to your world view to change their position? What if they were the last person on earth? What if your life depending on it? What if getting through to them would save the life of the person who you love more than any other living being? What if?

     When facilitating reconciling conversations, I ask participants to begin with one word. A word that means a great deal to them. That word might represent the barrier between them. That word might represent how important it is to get past the barrier that makes it impossible to collaborate fully, safely, inclusively. That word might be the hope for a new day, a new way of coming together and healing.

     For me, that word is peace.

     If the polarization of world events is seeping through the porous walls that enclose your organization and causing anxiety, let’s talk.

     Onward!

Wendy Amengual Wark

June 19, 2024

Wendy@InclusionStrategy.com
InclusionStrategy Solutions LLC

[1] Erica Sherover-Marcuse and Hugh Vasquez invented the Power Shuffle/Privilege Walk in the summer of 1984 at New Bridges. https://nonsite.org/the-first-privilege-walk/